The Gift of Coaching


Love over fear in helping conversations

Erik de Haan
OUP / McGraw-Hill, 2022
ISBN 0335251986

In this book Erik de Haan encourages coaches to reflect on their coaching practices and reassess the tensions within the coaching relationship. Across its three sections this book is about developing trust, nurturing love in response to fears and tensions, and practicing humility as your confidence and success as a coach grows.

Drawing on his long career, De Haan offers personal and thought-provoking advice for coaches. He highlights the benefit of making use of what happens before you start a session, listening to what is not being said, and disclosing all informational advantage you might have over your client.

This book:
• Features an array of personal experiences and helpful ideas to put into practice
• Includes insights and reflections on coaching relationships to apply to all helping relationships
• Uses a relational and inclusive approach to resolve the complex tensions inherent in coaching relationships
• Explores the richness of listening, engaging, and understanding, as well as recognising the value of humility.

The Gift of Coaching illustrates how coaching can help us process and integrate everyday fears and anxieties towards a place of love and acceptance for ourselves and our relationships. This is an entertaining, erudite and insightful read for both beginners and experienced consultants, coaches, and supervisors.


“De Haan takes a forensic look at what it means to nurture another person’s experience and in so doing produces an essential and immensely powerful book.”
– Marina Cantacuzino MBE, Founder of The Forgiveness Project

“Erik opens a window into his deep learning which will be of significant benefit to both new and experienced coaches.”
– Gina Lodge, CEO, Academy of Executive Coaching (AoEC)

“’The Gift of Coaching’ is a compendium of coaching research, wisdom, and case study examples.”
– Joel DiGirolamo, VP of Research and Data Science, International Coaching Federation

“De Haan wields concepts like love, humility and quality of relationships like a maestro inspiring an orchestra. As one of the most highly published scholarly authors in coaching, he has provided a rare book with deep intellectual foundations, prolific empirical evidence and engaging stories. He has left little room for future authors to add more than he has already said about coaching.”
– Professor Richard Boyatzis, Case Western Reserve University, USA

“Erik continues to enrich the coaching space with his insights and his commitment to the maturation of the field and its practitioners. He asks some important questions about our role in these times that are well-worth the read.”
– Dr David Drake, Founder and CEO, The Moment Institute

“Erik takes us back to the essence of coaching by illustrating the importance of trust, love, fear and humility through case studies, research and his own vast experience. This is a worthy contribution to our continuous search for understanding the building blocks of our profession.”
– Dr Nicky Terblanche, Head of MPhil in Management Coaching, University of Stellenbosch, South Africa

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